I had an appointment in California. It was so they could figure out just how much I was able to see, or not see. We waited for this day for a long time. And it was finally here. My mom packed my bags, her bags, my dad's bags, everything we needed. And we were on our way. My nana even came with us. It was a really long drive, but I never made a peep. I love riding in vehicles.
Before we left, my mother and father were told to be careful when they got to California. Because if they turned down the wrong block, or street, or anything, that they could be shot!! Yeah it put a big scare in them. At that time, they didn't have any kind of navigation system or anything fancy like that. They went off of a map.
We finally get into California right? And they are going off of this map and trying to find where it is we need to be going. Well my dad turns down this road which was the way we needed to go I think. But as they kept driving they got a lot of dirty stares. People were walking and looking at us, looking at us through their windows, or stepping outside look at us. I guess everyone was just staring. My dad was driving really slow too. Everyone in the car was completely silent. It was so quiet. Eery too at the same time.
My dad comes to a red light. He has no choice but to stop. There is one other car stopped as well but coming the opposite direction. There was also people standing on the corner staring at us too. My parents and my nana just wanted the light to hurry and turn green. It seemed like forever waiting for it. Finally the light turned green. My dad pushed on the gas to go and than we all hear a very loud BOOM!! My mom, dad, and nana FREAK out. GUN SHOT!!! My dad, mom, and nana are ducking and scared to death!! We are all going to die any second right!!! Well, the next thing I hear is my dad. He say's a really really bad word. Wait. He YELLED a really really bad word. And after the bad word he said......."That car backfired! It wasn't a gun!"
(remember the car I told you about that was stopped at the light too? Yeeeeah.....it was that one. It backfired!)
And my mom, dad, and nana, thought they were being shot at! Now that's FUNNY!!!!!!! I was laughing at all of them the whole time and they didn't even know it. Maybe because they were all laughing loud too.
But finally after thinking they were getting shot at, my dad found the place. Here we go. We get in there, and the doctor asked my mom to sit down on the black chair and hold me in her lap.
Great!! This isn't going to be bad after all! ......That's what I told myself anyway. I hear the doctor tell my mom that he was just going to shine a bright light in my eyes. I think to myself...."okay. cool"
Okay can I ask you a question?? Will you put yourself in the worst situation possible including having your worst fear so close to your face that its touching your nose? Something that would just terrify you to the extreme?? Put yourself there and try to imagine your reaction?? Because that's the only way I can describe how I felt when the Dr. put this light in front of my face. I heard him click it on. And as soon as he did, what I saw terrified me. It scared me SO much I screamed at the top of my lungs. It was such a fearful cry that the Dr. turned it off right away. My mom was holding me so tight. And I didn't want her to let me go. I can't tell you what I saw exactly. But I do know it really really scared me. But because I reacted in that way, the Dr. told my mom and dad that I do have light perception. How much??? He doesn't know. Can I see shadows too?? He doesn't know. No one will ever be able to know what I can or can't see unless I am able to tell them myself. I wish I could tell my parents or the doctors what I can or can't see. But I can't.
I believe in God. And I believe that everyone has a purpose. There is a reason I’m blind even if I haven’t figured it out yet. Maybe some day they will come up with a cure. If they do then that's wonderful. If they don’t then I’m not going to spend the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself. And I don't want anyone else to either. I have a life to live and I’m not going to let blindness or anything else stop me.
My mother I know still has her moments. She doesn't feel sorry for me. But I always hear her say that she wishes I could have at least one day to see. She has these pity party moments that make it hard for her to breathe. Christmas trees, fireworks, snow, rainbows, flowers, stars, clouds, just MOTHER NATURE. And Holidays. I don't know what I'm missing out on. Or I'm not even sure if I'm missing out on anything at all. But, for some reason she gets really emotional. She has to swallow back the huge lump in her throat and blink back the tears. But please don't feel sorry for her or for my parents Because I'm not. And neither are them. These bad days my mom has are very few and far between, but they are still there on occasion.
In some ways, I think my blindness is a blessing. It helps to teach my parents, my siblings, and the rest of my loved ones patience, tolerance, and to understand that it's OKAY to be different. If everyone was the same it would be REALLY boring right??
The picture below is on my 1st birthday.
I TORE that cake up!!!
LIKE A BOSS :)
