Hope, Faith, Love

Optimistic -  Hopeful and confident about the future.
Hope -  A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
Faith -  Complete trust and confidence in God.
Love- The most spectacular, indescribable feeling
 

  These 4 words are powerful you know. I think people should use them everyday. No matter what. Sometimes it's hard I know. When you aren't able to, that's when another powerful word comes in......prayer. Because God will feel your soul with those words. God is amazing. 
  Optimism, hope, and faith, were what my mom and dad were feeling that day. Their hearts were filled with it. 
  Yes this is the day. The day I go back to the eye doctor. It's finally here! I am six months old. My mom and dad couldn't wait to prove everyone wrong. To call everyone and give them good news. And say. "His eyes are fine.".... But that wasn't the case. 
Did you know that it just takes a second for your world to come crumbling down? Seconds. Just like that.
  When we walked in the room my mom was holding me waiting for the Dr. to come in. Was my mom and dad nervous?? Of course. But they still hung on to the hope. Hung on to their faith, that everything was going to be okay. 
The eye doctor finally walked in. Right away my mom and dad stood up. He smiled and said hello to my parents. My dad said hello and my mom smiled. The eye doctor and my mother made this eye contact. Not just any eye contact, but the kind where his eyes were talking to her eyes. I think she knew something at that moment because I felt her heart start to beat really fast and she started to breathe faster. The room was nothing but complete silence for a few seconds.
The eye doctor said "Your son has ONH"
"What's that?" My mom asked. 
The eye doctor said. "I'm sorry. But your son is blind in both eyes"

And just like that,....my mom and dad's world was broken
I don't remember my dad's expression. But my mom. ....She could barely breathe. She didn't move. She didn't flinch, blink, nothing. She didn't even cry. She didn't say one word to nobody. She stood so still and  just kept staring at the Dr.  It was like her body was there but her soul wasn't. 
She just turned around and walked right out to the car. With this blank stare on here face. 
The whole car ride back was nothing but silence. I was even quiet. When we got home my mom took me straight to her bed and laid down by me. But there was still no emotion that came out of her. She just laid there with me in silence. 
That's as far as I can go now. I don't remember anything else after that. 
But I would love to

explain my first diagnosis with you. 

When we see, light through the outside world enters the eye. It passes through the eye and enters the Optic Nerve. The Optic Nerve transmits the light from the eyes to the brain. It is our brain that processes the light that enters our eyes from the outside world and interprets it as images. This is what happens when we see. The Optic Nerve, in a real sense, is the telephone line that allows the eyes to communicate with the brain.
ONH is the underdevelopment of the Optic Nerve during pregnancy. For people with Optic Nerve Hypoplasia (ONH), the Optic Nerve is either nonexistent or did not develop properly. Many people with ONH also have malformation or absence of other structures of the midline of the brain that are physically near the Optic Nerve. 

 

Leave me alone. I'm okay

I was my mother's first baby. So she was still learning a lot. Well remember the car ride I told you about??? How it calmed me down? Well here is another ball I'll throw at ya.
Okay so I had cradle cap right. My mom was getting me ready to wash my hair. She took off my pajamas and wrapped me up in a towel. I was mad and uncomfortable. I started to cry in hopes that she would take me for another car ride..... Didn't work that time. :)
Anyway, so I hear the water coming up and I'm thinking I'm just going to get another bath. I had no idea what my mom was doing. I just wanted my pajamas back on, wrapped up in my blanket, and sleeping. I'm frustrated at this point and still crying. Next thing I know the water is just falling on my head. It was kinda like a massage. It felt so good that I stopped crying. My eyes were wide open and I was loving this feeling. As I was enjoying this moment, I was in deep thought about how cool it was that I not only have a nice car ride to go on if I get fussy but now I also have this water thing going on. heh heh heh, my mom is in for it now. :) 
While my mom was letting the water run down my head, she had a visitor that was standing right next to her. They were just chatting back and fourth about how adorable I was. Because I am you know. Than my mom's friend tells her that my eyes were moving weird. My mom looked at me and said "His eyes are fine. He's a baby.".......The subject was dropped after that.
A few days later my parent's and I went to my mother's house. My nani. I know more people were there I just don't remember who. The one that does pop into my mind though was my mom's Tia Bernadine. Why??? Because when she was holding me, she brought up my eyes too. She said that they shouldn't be moving around that much.
After getting two opinions about my eyes, my mom just wished everyone would just stop talking about my eyes. Because she said I was fine. There was nothing wrong with my eyes. But the more she thought about it,  she called and made me an appointment just to be safe.
The eye doctor told my mom it could be because I was a preemie. That they had to come back when I was six months old to find out what is going on and to see if I had more control over my eye movement.
Those 4 months went by so slow for my parents. It felt like years to them.
My mother kept telling me everyday that my eyes were fine.

That they were going to be fine.
That everything was going to be..........just.............fine.